Dating Online
by: Scott Morris
Looking to spice up your life a little or add some romance...or maybe find that perfect love connection?
Cool! Jump right in...the online dating waters are just fine and you will have lots of company. There are over THREE MILLION others already splashing around when you do decide to take the plunge!!
If you're new, or relatively new to the online dating scene, this article should get you headed down the right path. Follow the tips and recommendation presented here and your initial experiences will be more enjoyable, and yield better results.
Do a search of "online dating" and you will be presented with more than 2.9 MILLION web pages from which to make your selection! Hmm... a bit overwhelming to say the least. But don't let the huge numbers discourage you. Try the dating preparation and selection methods described, and you will easily find your perfect dating site match.
So your first order of business is to get yourself matched up with one or more online dating sites that fit you and your needs. The questions below should help you narrow things down.
What Type Dating Site?
Plain Vanilla - no ethnic, religious, or cultural themes. Asian, Black/Ebony/African American, Italian, Jewish, Senior Citizen, the list goes on...
Do some searching using the terms below as a guide.
"online dating" + senior
"online dating" + Christian
"online dating" + African American
"online dating" + Asian
"online dating" +
Get the idea? A search on each of the examples above will pretty much yield what you would expect.
If you're on a tight budget, just add the word "free".
"online dating" + free
"online dating" + senior + free ...etc.
You will need to look a little harder to find high quality free dating sites or personal services. REALLY FREE dating sites with lots of members, lots of activity, and lots of member services are pretty hard to come by. You'll understand better after you do a few searches for free dating websites.
A search for dating reviews and forums can also be helpful.
"online dating" + review OR reviews
"online dating" + forum OR forums
With the dating related forums, you can read about good and bad experiences others have had with particular dating and personals web sites.
Dating services reviews will give you some good info as well. Look for genuine, unbiased reviews. Many of the dating review sites out there are willy-nilly listings someone threw together to earn commissions.
Another way to find good dating sites is by asking friends and co-workers who may have tried, or are using online dating or personals services. You may be surprised to find out how many of your single friends are members of a personals site.
How Much?
Monthly fees vary widely, but the average is around $24. Most dating and singles sites will give you a discount if you pay for two or months in advance.
I would suggest you only buy into a one month membership with any new dating service you join. If you decide you like it simply extend your membership. If you don't like the service, you cut your losses at one month, and avoid the hassles of requesting a refund, or canceling billing.
Tight Budget Dating Tip: Most free dating sites have low activity, and member activity is what makes personals and dating sites tick.
Solution: Join 3, 4 or more free dating sites. If you find that their combined activity serves your needs... you're good to go. If not, you'll have gained a good familiarity with online dating, and a better understanding of what you want, when and if you decide to plunk down some bucks for a paid membership.
Telling Your Pool-Side Story
Now write your story (aka: member profile). No great detail; just write like you're writing to the man or woman you seek. Write a little about you, stating one or more of your unique qualities. Write a little about the person you're seeking.
You'll save some time if you write and save all your profile data to a text editor or word processor file. Then, you can COPY and PASTE it to the proper areas of your online dating profile.
As things change, and as you grow, you will want to update and modify your profile statements.
A Picture IS Worth a Thousand Words
You will generally get 3 to 10 time better response with a posted photo than without. People don't generally spend much time on profiles with no photos... so take the hint.
If you don't own a digital camera, web cam, or scanner, take a few photos and a diskette to your local Office Depot, Staples, or general office supply store. They should be able to scan and copy your photos to your diskette. Then you can easily add one or more to your dating site profile. You could also ask friends and relatives who own a digital camera or scanner.
Digital cameras are very inexpensive these days. Check eBay for some of the best deals.
Stay Focused and On-Track
You may want to start a journal, (on paper, or in a text file), to log your "love search" progress. Make notes of URL links of sites you like (you should also bookmark these sites), restrictions, any new member specials, member benefits and services, monthly fees, etc.
When I first started, I also wrote out a statement describing what I wanted to accomplish by joining a dating site. You may want to do the same. These statements and a well-kept journal will help keep you focused and organized. Organized endeavors always yield greater results than haphazard approaches.
Safe-Date Policies
This is actually part of the title of an upcoming article, but I mention it here to stress the use of common-sense, safety, and caution when dealing with ANY dating situation - on or offline.
Now... jump in your skivvies and take the dive!
About the author:
Morris gathers information about single chat dating
single dating online
Dating Tool: Confidence 101
by: Kerr Seth Lordygan
I’m over it. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea,” they say. Well, apparently I have been using the wrong bait. Nobody said dating would be easy, but Hollywood sure likes to paint it that way, doesn’t it? “There’s someone for everyone,” they say. Maybe that ought to translate to, “There’s someone for everyone….as long as you’re a muscled pretty boy with washboard abs, and at least 6 feet tall.”
So how does one get by this unsettling dating stipulation? Are we actually to believe that love will find us when we’re not looking? I think people who say that are normally in happy relationships when they say it. Can we “buy” outer beauty from an online store to match our own inner beauty? Somebody is buying pheromones and weight-loss pills and liposuction and facial restructuring. Hell, now people even get plastic surgery to make them look like a celebrity. Huh??? And you know what? I bet these things work for people. As long as it can build the confidence up in someone, it also strengthens the attraction. So how can we build up that confidence without spending tons of money to people who know how the game works? Sounds like a question for the shrink.
I suppose its all part of why I started up a matchmaking service with a friend of mine in Los Angeles. It can be so frustrating out there. And being “alone” can only make your work day more stressful, it seems. So if I had someone to do the dirty work for me….get me the dating connections, counsel me on why I might not be getting that second date, maybe my frustration level would decrease. So I went into the business….pretty much as a means to find out what can be done to find the perfect one. OK, so nobody’s perfect, but at least maybe I can find a decent one who happens to have similar ethics as myself. Oh, and a killer sense of humour is mandatory. But looking around, nobody was going to help me, a fact that made me feel even more alone! So I had to do it myself. Such is life, right? Part of it might be that I feel a need to always be in control of my own destiny. As long as I am actively pursuing something, I am a success. Yea, that sounds right! So I joined forced with my cohort and we started Let’s Meet Here. Now I’m gonna’ find the one, right?
Wrong!
As it seems unethical to date my own clients (damn, I knew I’d run into some roadblock!), I figured….at least pass on any information I can gather to those who need it (and baby, we all need it!). Granted, I am learning about all this stuff now. It seems every date and every relationship is completely unique. There is no list of do’s and don’ts that applies. But I do know that going into the business has allowed me an increase in confidence that is apparent in me without my even having to think about it. I am starting to really believe that success comes from the active pursuit of a goal, whether or not the goal is achieved. The process in itself builds character…and character is attractive.
So while I learn as I go, I will show as I go too. It is absolutely within my own power to be a success. And the pursuit of achievements is an achievement of its own. However, I have also learned that a little is never enough. And to settle after one’s success is no success at all. Maybe now I’m fishing with the right bait!
By Kerr Seth Lordygan
Director, Lets Meet Here, LLC
www.lets-meet-here.com
Kerr S. Lordygan a professional matchmaker and business advisor, is a Relationship Director for Let's Meet Here LLC. His efforts on behalf of relationship-minded people include numerous positive testimonials, including praise from a recently married couple first introduced through Kerr's guidance. An accomplished musician and formally trained playwright, Kerr is a veteran stage producer and featured artist at venues in Japan and Scotland. A graduate of the University of Southern California, Kerr is also a regularly published theater critic for several entertainment magazines. He lives in Los Angeles. He can be contacted at KSLordygan[at]lets-meet-here[dot]com
How To Make A Woman Trust You Completely
by: John Alexander
I'm about to reveal a little-known secret of human persuasion that can induce the woman to feel complete trust for you, and have sex with you... even if it's the very first date.
You see, for a woman to have sex with a guy, she must not only be attracted to him, but she must also trust him. Look at it like this:
1. Trust Without Attraction = "He's a great friend and I love him to death!" (Translation: "We'll NEVER have sex!")
2. Attraction Without Trust = "I'm not a loose woman. He'll have to wait before he gets any!"
However, if the woman has both attraction AND trust for the guy, she'll be literally begging you to take her home with you that night.
Let's take a typical scenario. Say it's coming up on 11 PM, and you've been with a woman since 6 that afternoon. As long as you've had good rapport with her and you've kept pushing the interaction forward, you can assume she's attracted to you.
And by the way, with a woman, you should always assume attraction until proven otherwise. Because the bottom line is that as long as you've got good body language, you've got a lot going on in your life, and you're witty and interesting, she WILL be attracted to you.
Now you need to build trust. By the time you finish this article, you'll know an easy, efficient way to do that.
And by the way, this is a one of the best-kept secrets of human persuasion. The most successful advertisers and salesmen to make billions use it, and now you'll be able to use it with women.
Have you ever noticed how ads will sometimes mention minor defects in the products? A famous example of this was the wildly success Volkswagen Beetle ads from 30 years ago that had the huge headline: "Lemon."
The point of the ad was that not all of their cars were perfect. VW took its quality inspections so seriously that it took note of even small weaknesses in the builds of its cars.
You see, if a person tells you something that's against his self-interest, you tend to trust him more. We all do. It's a fundamental trait of human psychology.
So when it comes to women, you should point out your minor flaws. Examples could be:
- "I have an ugly mole on my neck. Sometimes I feel self-conscious about it."
- "I had to give a speech last week and felt so nervous!"
- "I don't always floss my teeth even though I should."
Even if they're fake flaws, it doesn't necessarily matter. By pointing them out, you create a perception of honesty within the woman.
Because she believes the minor imperfections about you, she'll believe the MAJOR PERFECTIONS about you as well.
This means that, having both attraction for AND trust in you, later that night she could be breathlessly panting, "I've never done it with a guy this soon before!"
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
John Alexander is author of How to Become an Alpha Male, a seduction success guide for men. Learn the 7 Step Seduction System that takes you from saying "hello" to a new woman... to sharing orgasms in bed with her... in just one evening!
Women and Bad Boys: What Is The Attraction?
"Bad Boys".
If you're a woman, you may be saying "hmmm" as you hear these words. You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself.
There is just SOMETHING about these guys that draws you in, even as your head tells you to "beware"!
So, what exactly is the attraction? It's not necessarily that they are more physically attractive or smarter or more successful than the "nice guys". In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist.
So what is it? Let's begin by defining these guys. This term is generally applied to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell?
*calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together
*not showing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology
*never having any money when you are out
* forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other important dates
*flirting openly with other women when you are together
*hitting on your good friend(s)
*making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others
*is doing time for a serious felony
Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's instead examine what it is about the women who can't resist them. The following are actual statements from women who have a history of attraction to these guys. See if any of these sound familiar.
* "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting."
* "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him."
* "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together."
* "I haven't met anyone else that makes me feel the way he does."
* "He's so charming and passionate."
* "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must really feel something for me."
* "He needs me."
* "He doesn't come across as needy and desperate."
* "I can't believe I've attracted someone like him."
Now, on the face of these, they seem pretty benign. We all seek at least some of these traits in the men we choose. So, where's the problem?
Essentially it's in his inability to meet the woman's fundamental needs. She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving. The question then lies in; "what's in it for her?"
The answer can be found by exploring three basic issues:
*level of self-esteem
*capacity for intimacy
*roles that she has been in throughout her life
If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other person to undermine her positive self-worth. She believes in her ability to participate in a healthy, reciprocal relationship.
If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses someone who reinforces her negative self-beliefs.
If a woman is capable of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person. She wants him to be a full and active participant in the relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to receive all that true intimacy offers.
If intimacy is difficult, she choose someone who is distant, hard to connect with and not emotionally and/or physically available.
If a woman has had a healthy role in her relationships since childhood, she will choose someone with whom she can continue this healthy interaction.
If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will probably be the role she will seek out in her relationships.
Fortunately, most women fall somewhere in between on these issues. So the task is to evaluate yourself in each area and decide on a course of action that will help you to choose a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly available for a real relationship.
Begin with an assessment of what you value most in life and cannot live without.
Go to http://www.consum-mate.com/newslets/02oct.htm for an article on "clarifying and living your values".
Once you know what is most important to you and believe that you are worthy of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards finding the right partner for you.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 20 years of experience. As a recognized expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and national publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and relationship advice in response to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002 to offer singles the knowledge and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a member of The International Coach Federation, and The International Association Of Coaches.